I have been a big fat hermit these last few weeks.
It's lovely.
I love my space. And still loving it. I think that I really, really like having my own space.
In fact, I can't imagine sharing it ever without feeling slightly uncomfortable. My home is clean. I don't have to worry about any one else's schedule, or meal preference, or making them feel suitably involved or included. I don't have to feel like I should initiate a conversation. It's so hard to switch "off" when someone else is in your house.
I like hosting, though, to a degree. Guests. Overnight visitors. Friends. But it still takes a lot of effort.
And then recovery.
Thinking now, part of me wonders if I should seek out a relationship that has a potential to last and be successful.
But, could I ever be happy with a relationship? Does that person exist where we can live together and I'm still allowed to rest and be on my own? If so, how can I find this person.
Lately, I've been "reading" (not really reading, it's an audio book because that is all that the library had) a book about an Asperger's man who is attempting to find a life partner.
And the rules that he requires sounds SO APPEALING!
If someone who needed rules could accept that my rules involve quiet time or alone time, that would be awesome.
Is it possible? Is it even worth being open to?
The au pair left for her new family last night and is off to Sydney. Back to the little 3 of us.
Another one will come later. After recovery from the last one.
Tuesday, February 26, 2019
Friday, February 1, 2019
First Grader
In other news,
my daughter is now in Year 1.
Six years old and I've been a mother for that long. Whoa.
To come full circle, she is now the same age as all those students I taught for all those years. It's strange. And it's beautiful. And she's so big and I'm having all these feelings and it's weird having these feelings because .... feelings.
There is no baby left in this kid. She is all kid now. She asked on Friday if she can take herself to the classroom without me even walking her in.
And I actually nearly teared up.
Why?
Because I'm proud. And it's noticing that she's getting older and this new phase of our relationship will never go back to the old one. The change is happening. I love this independence and it will make my life much easier, but it's also the death of another dynamic. And that's sad. It will never come back.
I mean, maybe it will and we could go back and forth. I'm just experiencing it now.
She also has her first wobbly tooth. Both of them actually, down bottom and central. She isn't overly fussed about wiggling them yet, so must not be that much.
She is reading like a champion. She nailed her first swimming lesson in over a year.
I love this kid. I'm glad she's independent and healthy and clever and usually pretty kind.
But there's no baby any more.
my daughter is now in Year 1.
Six years old and I've been a mother for that long. Whoa.
To come full circle, she is now the same age as all those students I taught for all those years. It's strange. And it's beautiful. And she's so big and I'm having all these feelings and it's weird having these feelings because .... feelings.
There is no baby left in this kid. She is all kid now. She asked on Friday if she can take herself to the classroom without me even walking her in.
And I actually nearly teared up.
Why?
Because I'm proud. And it's noticing that she's getting older and this new phase of our relationship will never go back to the old one. The change is happening. I love this independence and it will make my life much easier, but it's also the death of another dynamic. And that's sad. It will never come back.
I mean, maybe it will and we could go back and forth. I'm just experiencing it now.
She also has her first wobbly tooth. Both of them actually, down bottom and central. She isn't overly fussed about wiggling them yet, so must not be that much.
She is reading like a champion. She nailed her first swimming lesson in over a year.
I love this kid. I'm glad she's independent and healthy and clever and usually pretty kind.
But there's no baby any more.
Budgets
I'm a bit of a dweeb when it comes to spreadsheets.
In that I love them to the point of obsessing (a bit)
I know I'm only working part time. I know I have a security blanket in a savings account that I have been taking advantage of.
I know that there have been some projects, some unnecessary shopping, some free flowing expenses for the sake of life's enjoyment.
But I've had a rude slap to the face this last week when I actually pulled it all apart.
I went to the point of listing all of my expenses from January. I even itemised them and put them into categories. These being:
House
Car
Groceries
Child Care
House Insurance
Utilities and Rates
Phone and Internet
Savings
Sports/Activities
Medical/Counselling
Misc
And here I go thinking that I've been living humbly. But as it turns out, I have not.
Over spending by my income by, literally, thousands of dollars.
The house insurance was a killer. New glasses. Bits and pieces and things and new tyres on the car and here we are.
The biggest one is the au pair, actually.
So in the last few days I have undergone a shift.
Abandoned the television package (save $30/month)
Cancelled the cleaner ($60/fortnight)
Stretched out our counselling appointments to 6 weeks.
Cancelled the local milk order (saving about $10/wk)
And applied for a government voucher to help with Ev's sports. ($150/yr)
Here's hoping.
Oh, and more tea, less wine.
Everyone can have goals, right?
In that I love them to the point of obsessing (a bit)
I know I'm only working part time. I know I have a security blanket in a savings account that I have been taking advantage of.
I know that there have been some projects, some unnecessary shopping, some free flowing expenses for the sake of life's enjoyment.
But I've had a rude slap to the face this last week when I actually pulled it all apart.
I went to the point of listing all of my expenses from January. I even itemised them and put them into categories. These being:
House
Car
Groceries
Child Care
House Insurance
Utilities and Rates
Phone and Internet
Savings
Sports/Activities
Medical/Counselling
Misc
And here I go thinking that I've been living humbly. But as it turns out, I have not.
Over spending by my income by, literally, thousands of dollars.
The house insurance was a killer. New glasses. Bits and pieces and things and new tyres on the car and here we are.
The biggest one is the au pair, actually.
So in the last few days I have undergone a shift.
Abandoned the television package (save $30/month)
Cancelled the cleaner ($60/fortnight)
Stretched out our counselling appointments to 6 weeks.
Cancelled the local milk order (saving about $10/wk)
And applied for a government voucher to help with Ev's sports. ($150/yr)
Here's hoping.
Oh, and more tea, less wine.
Everyone can have goals, right?
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