Mood, the Tragedy Magnet

I just want to watch devastating, overpowering movies. Why is this?

When Austin died and I was lying in bed with my fresh baby, I could escape from all of the people and difficult life bits by watching the bitter musings of House.

And it was perfect.

I must be in a similar mental state, where tricky choices and unpleasant moves can be temporarily avoided by spending my evening on the lounge and watching some actor pretend to be in a worse place.

Why is this?

Do we really feel better after watching or realising that others can have a harder time? Why is competition always pushing through our human veins?
Adrian Brody. Is that his name? Tonight, I am watching The Pianist on Netflix.

I am also feeling quite alone in my life. Perhaps I came into this relationship purely to avoid the lonely feelings, but yet here they still are.

I called him an asshole today. And, to be fair, the term "asshole" is very fitting. He is one. Often.
This relationship is not a reciprocal one, I feel. Am I better off on my own?
My children are attached to him. The sex is nice. The commitment and having a +1 is nice and I know he is loyal. But I'm not satisfied emotionally. Oh well. I am also not looking for another relationship, so this one will do.

My children have been really challenging for me. The need for attention. The loud, loud noise. The neediness. It's been hard. I've missed quiet contemplation and rest.
One day, I'll have too much and miss the neediness.
Oh, life.